Funnies


I changed my i Pod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro – what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

And: When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

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