Tag Archive | marriage

Hubby, Super Heroes, and More

After church, I stopped by the car wash because the car was looking rather dirty.  Later this afternoon, hubby comes in to get my keys.  The neighbor was out on his riding mower, stirring up lots of dirt/dust.  Hubby didn’t want my clean car to get all dirty.  Aww…now that’s love!  It’s those little things that mean the most!

So dd’s youth group is doing Super Heroes night.

 

I wrote a note for her youth pastor’s wife letting her know that she just needed to dress like herself.  She is already a Super Hero because she is a pastor’s wife, the mother of two very energetic little boys, and the leader of a small group.  (Love you, Addy!)

 

And as for why I am still often MIA where this blog is concerned, here is an image of how I feel most days:

This photo reflects how I am when I feel my normal self: 

So feeling so depressed for such a long spell is very, very hard on me.  Honestly, it is exhausting.  Here are some steps I’m taking to try to “get my head in a better place.”

  • Got out Saturday in the warmer, sunny weather and cleaned all of my windows.  And yes, it did help immensely.  I was my normal self the rest of the day.
  • Refreshing myself in the Lord — I’ve been watching David Jeremiah’s series on Revelation.  I’ve listened to some of the recent messages by Watchman’s Cry, but have to limit my exposure to some of the end-time stuff because it can weigh me down.
  • Taking time to play worship music online while I’m home and allowing myself the awesome pleasure of worshiping my loving Savior.  (I have worship music playing all day in my office.)
  • Limiting how much news I expose myself to since I have seen what the constant negative exposure has done to me emotionally.
  • Limit how much I try to accomplish on my days off so that I make sure I am taking extra time on those days to refresh myself.
  • Being honest with myself, my hubby, and my Lord about how I really feel.
  • Realizing that I need to daily put on the armor of God because I’m not the only Christian I know who is going through a struggle like this right now.  The enemy knows his time is short, so he is trying his best to discourage God’s children so we become ineffective in our witness.

Communication

Communication, or the lack thereof, seems to be a constant source of friction in many marriages. I wanted to share some of our struggles and how we dealt with it. After many years of working hard at communication, this source of “friction” is rare for us. And for that, we are very thankful.

Early in our marriage, before the age of cell phones, hubby would not come home in the evenings. Me, being a typical, emotional female, would give into fear. I would think, “What if he drove his truck off into a ditch and no one sees him?” The what-if-this and what-if-that, would put my stomach in knots.

After eight years of marriage, and now having a daughter, things weren’t much better. He still would just “disappear” and I wouldn’t know where he was until much later.

Where was he, you ask? He was at his mother’s. Because I didn’t have a good grasp on communicating well with him, he thought I just resented him going to see his mom. I didn’t. What I resented was his failure to let me know when he was going to be gone for several hours.  And how was I going to be graceful in pointing out that I went to the effort of making a nice, hot supper for him, only to have him not show up for it?  After all, tact was not one of my strong points!  How was I ever going to address this situation without coming across as a nag???

After much prayer, the Lord gave me some insight to it.

First, I praised him for being there to help his mom. When he would go see her, it wasn’t just to visit. It was to mow the yard, and help her with other things. No one else in the family would step up and help her, so I commended him on his sensitivity to her needs and his willingness to be there for her.

Second, I told him that I didn’t resent that he spent time with her. I explained how worried I got when he didn’t come home and it would literally make me sick to my stomach when I had no idea where he was or if he was safe.

Third, I pointed out that it was hurtful to me to put the effort into making a big supper, and not having him show up to enjoy it.

Fourth, I pointed out that if he would just let me know where he was going, it would do this:

  • Keep me from worrying.
  • Let me make different (and easier ) plans for supper because I could do something quick for supper like grilled cheese, cereal, etc., and it would help me to have a more relaxed evening.
  • It would help our relationship because good communication was put into place.
  • It would help both of us to have more respect for each other.

Moving forward to many years later (as in, Thanksgiving 2013), here is another issue where good communication helped us.

Hubby had an outside job to do in three different cities in another state.  And it was the week of Thanksgiving.  So what do we do?  We TALK!

Cons:

  • He would not be here for Thanksgiving.
  • If he delayed, the weather might be much worse since the weather is turning really cold and thus, making the job much more difficult to do.

Pros:

  • He would get the job done before really bad weather hit.
  • He would be done with the jobs and be home again before my vacation starts on Dec. 4.
  • He would be here to celebrate my 50th birthday.

After discussing it, the answer was clear:  Get the job done during Thanksgiving week.  It was what he wanted to do, and it was also what I wanted him to do.  For us, it was a win-win situation.  (And he would still get to enjoy the Thanksgiving leftovers that I saved for him.)

FYI — He got home the day after Thanksgiving, which was several days earlier than I had expected!  Woohoo!!

Could Your Husband Have Written This?

Wow! I wish I could say that I have never done any of what this article addresses, but I would be lying if I tried to say I’ve never acted like this. This article is well-written and very eye-opening. Thankfully, my attitude has changed a lot, and my hubby and I are like newlyweds again. Even with working full time (and sometimes MORE than full time hours), and home schooling, I always look forward to that alone time with my hubby. So for those of you who may struggle in this area, DON’T GIVE UP!!!

http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2013/11/when-wife-refuses-sex-husband-hurts/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ToLoveHonorAndVacuum+%28To+Love%2C+Honor+and+Vacuum%29